My first born will turn 14 in spring. He is a reminder of the timeline for when I fully dove, head-first, into astrology. Before that, I was a dabbler, reading articles here and there and figuring out what the weird symbols meant and what the ‘houses’ were and in general, teaching myself the basics of how it all worked. I would say before Elliott came, I was at toddler level, maybe preschool with the world of astrology and it’s jargon. I had some basic understanding and could make some sense of things but was unable to have a full conversation in the language of astrology. Weirdly enough I could feel that I desperately wanted in my heart to speak this language. It was like a strange craving.
So when I had this solid Earth baby in the spring of 2009, my motivation to learn more showed up with him as my world changed and I learned how to mother… What my Earth-devoid-self didn’t know was how fast I was going to learn that I didn’t know how to deal with and parent this person I just created. Astrology was going to explain exactly why and help me be a much better parent, eventually… it’s a process.
Overall, this little boy was amazing beyond belief… He was our dream come true after 5.5 years of fertility issues, failed adoptions, and failed fertility treatments. Elliott was everything I had hoped for and more. Sweet and snuggly and happy. Until he wasn’t. He quickly started growing and developing his strong, stubborn personality, and I started to realize very quickly what I was up against, a mountain… of mammoth proportions. So I did what any good Air element dominant person would do, and I dove in to learning about who I created and figured out what his birth chart told me. I realized very quickly where I was going wrong with parenting him and if I kept doing it, I would probably end up killing myself attempting to parent the way I had been. He needed different communication, slower, more steady information. He needed me to be patient and stable and he really needed a routine of some kind.
You see, learning his astrology chart showed me that he was born with 55% of his planets and other important placements in Earth signs (Taurus, Virgo & Capricorn). This explained his loving, sweet, calm nature, along with his stubbornness, and resistance to change (and his major drive for food). Me being born with 64% of my planets and placements in Air element and without Earth in my birth chart, was literally causing me to just blow hot air at his steady, stable Earth, with zero effects except a very tired and exhausted Mama, trying to move the unmovable and change the intensely resistant. Both of us have a good amount of fire and know how to fight and take action too, so I learned that if this relationship was going to work and if I was going to survive parenting this kiddo, I would need to shift how I was dealing with and handling him, and consequently, my own anger. I would need to create awareness and tolerance and learn to dance around the mountain, coaxing it, enticing it to move and change. There could be no force. There could be no pushing. I would only drain myself of all of my energy while he just sat and watched the entertainment his Mama provided while she melted down.
Over the first few years of his life I used his chart more and more to help me understand his love language, his motivations, his hard life lessons and where his skills and would talents lie. I practiced day in and day out, trying not to push him, allowing him to go through life at his pace. It felt excruciatingly painful at times, which was clearly the lesson I needed to learn. Night after night I would pull up his chart on my phone, look at it, study it, and then find a planet or a placement I didn’t understand or was unsure about its meaning. I’d jump over to a new tab to learn what it meant and read everything I could find about it. I’d read and read, and fall asleep many nights nursing him with my phone in my hand and several astrology articles open.
I continued to study and learn and put the puzzle pieces together of who he was and how the energy may manifest for him as he developed into it. This practice helped me beyond belief. To have this information, something to turn to, information at my fingertips to help my brain understand just a little bit better who it was I had created. When certain situations came up where I was becoming frustrated with him, I was able to recall something I had learned while reading and my judgment and rising heat would calm down as I learned to take some deep breaths, leaning into the knowledge that this was my son, and I was unable to change him, instead, I needed to learn to change myself, to ebb and flow with it all.
By the time Elliott was 2 ½, his sister Gertie showed up in November 2011. I KNEW before having her that there was a Fiery girl inside me… And I was Right! This kiddo showed up with LOTS of Fire and a healthy amount of Earth as well. Fire is not an element I’m scared of nor does it bother me as I have a very healthy amount of it in my natal chart. I knew a bit of what I was in-store for, but I didn’t know how that Fire and Earth were going to mix and what this little volcano would be like as she grew.
Astrology to the rescue again! This time, I had more tools and understanding in my toolbox and I knew better how to use them. I did the same thing with this little miracle kiddo and read and read until I couldn’t keep my eyes open anymore, sucking it all in until my brain shut itself off. Learning what it would be like to have a toddler and eventually a teen with her Moon, Mercury, Mars & Venus all in Fire signs helped this frazzled Mama to know that getting burned was part of the job and that showers and baths were my parenting best friend.
By Gertie’s first birthday, I found out that our third miracle was on the way and I’d have another opportunity to learn about a whole new personality and use astrology again to figure out who I had grown and created. Mid-July, 2013 we welcomed our Water child Gwenivere to the mix. With 55% Water signs and a healthy amount of Fire, this kiddo came to teach me all about feelings, intense ones, and how to soften my rough edges, feel my own feels, and calm myself and deal with the sudden storms that life throws at us.
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The kids are now 13, 11 & 9 and a toddler who is pretty much walking chaos, and astrology hasn’t gone away. It’s been woven into my daily parenting. It’s how we all manage to understand the crazy, eccentric, and independent Aquarian child I had in 2021. I use it when I chat with the older kids when dealing with a tough choice they made, and we have to have consequences that follow. I pull out a conversation about their Moon or their Mars signs and why they may be feeling like they are or behaving like they are. I help them to see the “high road” of their sign and what that might have looked like instead of the choice they made. I help them when Saturn is kicking their butts, and they are continuously learning the same hard lesson over and over, feeling like they are failing, but I am able to show them they are not failing, and instead, learning the exact lessons they are supposed to be learning. These conversations don’t fix anything, but instead, they VALIDATE them. It helps them see that there is nothing wrong with them, and in fact, they are on the exact right page, in the exact right place.
Just being able to be seen is sometimes all we need to get through the hard stuff. Astrology helps me to help my kids feel seen. It gives me guidance as a parent, on how to pivot and which direction, and why I would want to do my best to function this way with this kid, and that way with that one. It helps me to become the observer, to watch the story and be curious about my kids instead of frustrated and irritated with them for not being a different way. Astrology helps me to speak their unique language as best as I can, which doesn’t come easy, but has been SO worth it.
I recommend anyone with children learn the basics of how their child functions to help foster a true understanding of who they are on the deepest level.
